Part 60: Episode XLVIII: Doom

Music: Deadly Gamble



Give it up right now!
Last time someone did this to me in a cutscene I killed his entire town guard, blew up his airship and contributed to the death of his father.



*looks around* The hell do you call this right now? A mild suggestion?
We shall use the sacrifice to help us...
No! I won’t let you!
The sacrifice is already destined to die. We’re simply going to have her die in a way that helps us. If we combine her life force and magical energy with our own energy... We should be able to destroy the Spritnite Pillar, and extract the magical energy stored inside it.
No way! That’s impossible... Only the person who channeled their magical energy into it can extract it again.
That is not how ANY of that works! What you just said is absolute nonsense...
No, I think it may well be possible for us. We’re rare-bloods, like you... except we’re much more powerful.
...No. NO! That’s not how that works! All the magical energy in the Spritnite Pillar is attuned to the ones who drained their power into it. You can put your magical energy in. You can take it out once. And that’s it! If you destroyed the Spritnite Pillar it would... just explode with magical energy and kill everyone in the forest. Including you all.
Naw... See, I’m pretty sure we’re special and it’ll be fine.
Based on what?!
*confident nod* Rarer-blood.
If it wouldn’t kill us too, I’d say it would be worth it to let these idiots blow themselves up.
Stop it... please... Why are you doing this!?
So that we have the power to never succumb to any foe again...
What happened in your past?
Let’s get the sob story motivation out of the way. We all know it’s coming.
Just like a human to only want to hear about our suffering.
I cannot move right now. But I assure you, if I could I’d be making a jerking-off motion.



They’re hidden by our clothes, but our whole bodies are covered in scars.
...Covered in scars, huh? I can't imagine...
We’ve suffered more at the hands of humans than you could ever imagine in your worst nightmares!
You cannot comprehend how much suffering we’ve felt. It’s beyond your reckoning. The like most suffering EVER!
But worst of all are the scars in our hearts... Those wounds shall never heal.
REALLY wanna make that jerking-off motion right about now.
Same.
Someone like you who grew up in a cozy little village like this could never understand... You could never understand how much the humans have made us suffer, just for being rare-bloods...
You said that our sister was “quiet,” Kir... But that is not the case.
Huh?
*shakes head* She’s not just quiet... she can’t speak. She used to love singing, in her beautiful voice... But one night, the humans crushed her throat... just because her crying irritated them.
Wh-what...
Then how does she breathe...? That’s not how that works either...
Now aren’t you ashamed of your words and your deeds?!
There are spritnite stones that can store our magical energy, just like the Spritnite Pillar can store yours. The humans used them to control us. So after Tor set us free, we swore to each other that we would never trust humans... We swore that we would never let them, or anyone else, ever control us again.
The two of us both managed to endure our treatment by the humans... But the wounds our younger sister has suffered will never heal.
B-but still...
Even after hearing all this, you still don’t get it? That’s why I hate sheltered little brats like you!
Oh boo-hoo. I had to live in a tent and hide from monster raids daily. What a tough life I had! Try living with humans who make fun of your hair color every single day you’ve been alive?!
It’s f’n stupid looking!
YOU SEE! DO YOU SEE WHAT WE ENDURE FROM THE HUMANS?!
Please, stop... I don’t want to fight you... Please... Please don’t make me take lives that my own brother saved...
Hah! You think you can take us all on alone? We’ve got hostages, too! You don’t stand a chance.
I was gonna use my magic to release my friends and then things would probably go badly for you...
In that case, we’ll just have to take them out first!
*makes fart noise*
Stop it! Stay away from them! Stay away from Setsuna! Setsuna is my companion! And she’s everyone’s last hope! If she dies, we’re all done for! A terrifying beast is going to destroy the whole world!
All the more reason for us to kill her, then.
*nods* Indeed. Let it destroy this world, and everything in it...
Wh-what are you saying!?
......
These children are encroaching on my old turf...
Don’t you get it? If this world is destroyed, it can be reborn. A new world can be created... One where everyone is equal, and no one is discriminated against.
Like duh! Isn’t it obvious! Idiot!
That’s crazy!
Not to mention the stupidest thing I’ve heard all month and I’ve heard some STUPID things this past month... Are you all super double plus rare-bloods via generations of inbreeding making you into barely functional shambles of genetics? Is that where the neon hair and dumbass ideas are hailing from? Kir, get us out of this thing. I’m usually against child murder but I’m making a big exception...



No, you dimwits. If we don’t back to our mission, the entire world will be destroyed. Including all of you. Every last one of your will die screaming... Even the one that cannot speak.
Nuh-uh!
What do you mean “nuh-uh”?!
Why should we believe a human?!
I’m a cloned construct of magical energy created by the Time Judge in the heart of the Last Lands. I've lived through the events of the last several years of this world countless times. I know a thing or two about this!
Hmph. Humans, always the know-it-alls!
*twitch* ...Alright. I’m with Endir, now. Let’s grease these kids...
Come on, Kir... You should join us. Forget about those evil humans and come with us! We’ll create a new future for our people!
It is not too late. Join us, Kir...
*nods and thumbs-up*
Endir... I...
Listen to your heart.
These bitches be crazy...
Yeah, you’re right... You’re right, Endir. I’m the only one who has the answers to my own questions. I understand now... I don’t know whether humans are good or evil... I don’t know who’s right, and who’s wrong... But I do know one thing.
No matter how dark the clouds, the sun is always there behind them... Just like the sun, my faith will always be there, no matter how grim things might seem!
*groan*
Aww... That’s sweet.
*unimpressed glare*
......
Hey, I’m not done!
My faith that one day, everyone will live in peace... Humans... Monsters... Rare-bloods... Everyone.
Hah! Don’t make me laugh! Your pathetic “faith” is nothing compared to our pain... our anger!
Ugh... Say, Dingus. How’s all this garbage working on you?
.....
I am feeling this unusual desire to crinkle my nose in displeasure.
That’s called cringing. That’s good! That is the correct reaction to this pathetic pity-party. Maybe we can make a real boy out of you yet.
......
If you’re so set on destroying the future... Then I’ll fight you... I’ll stop you, no matter what.
Oh yeah?! You’re gonna do that all by yourself?
Tch. No way!







*stretches* Aww yeah... Much better. Now that I’m free...
*makes exaggerated two handed jerking off motion*
I am impressed, Kir. However, as long as the three of us are together, you shall never defeat us.
Just so you know, since coming up with our “trinity” attack, we haven’t lost a single battle... Not to anyone.
*cracks neck* That right? Hmm... time for you brats to see just how nasty humans can get...


Music: Relentless Advance



Oh yeah, by the way! Turns out these dumbass preteen Hot Topic patrons each acquired the Soul Edge at some point. Sure, why not? Let’s do this thing...



This world belongs to the humans, not us.
You’re a rare-blood! You must understand our pain!
......
No... actually... other than the nearest town to the south, literally NOBODY has mentioned or cared that I’m a rare-blood...
...YET! Just you wait! Any day now it’ll happen to you too!
Save your breath, Kir. It’s fine, girls. Don’t blame yourselves for being a self-pitying misanthropic bunch of just completely insufferable losers who have been shunned by society. Blame me. Let’s see how that works out for ya...



Time to take on the uhh... well, they don’t have a collective easy to identify group name. And I am blanking on the naming scheme of Syg, Quotra, and Tronne... I'd call them the Dingus Sisters but well... That joke's been taken. Anyway, we’re fighting these angst incarnate sisters. Despite all their boasting about being OP super rare-bloods capable of destroying the world... somehow. Turns out this trio has REALLY oversold themselves. They’re by far the easiest boss battle featured in the side quests. Heck, everything from Aurorean Tiger onward was a more challenging fight.

We’ve got to take out all three sisters to win. Syg comes packing 3769 HP (nice), Tronne has 3770, and Quotra 3780 HP. There being three of ‘em doesn’t make a huge difference.





Tronne is all about Ice attacks. Which all hit for incredibly unimpressive damage, since it’s the first grade of Ice magic we saw very early in the game. She also has Icy Sentence, which is a single target magic spell for... still like 90 HP of damage.



Syg has stolen Reaper’s Dark Mist attack (you know... from the second time we fought him about fifteen hours of gameplay ago.) That and smacking people with her Soul Edge knock-off weapon for 50-75 HP of damage are her only offensive attacks. Yet she will be the one we’ll be targeting first, for reason we’ll get to in a moment.





Quotra deals in a handful of fire spells. All do sub 100 HP of damage. She has Fire 1 which does like... 30 HP of damage, tops. It’s kinda pitiful, really. I think these girls got full of themselves grinding in tutorial areas and thinking they were the hottest shit on the planet.





If left to their own devices, the sisters will perform that triple-tech they were so boastful about earlier. It’s called Delta Attack. You know, like that one kinda bullshit Guardian boss in Chrono Trigger when you first got to the Future era? Despite all its hype it does... 125 HP max. Endir just completely no sold it here. That’s it. That’s their strongest tech... We’d been fighting bosses that did 250-300 HP every turn already...



As far as attacking the girls goes, it is important to target Syg (the one with the turquoise hair) before any of the other sisters. And that’s for one very good reason...





She’s the rare-blood sisters team’s white mage possessing both Cure II, healing the entire enemy party for 999 HP of damage and Life II which will revive any fallen sisters with 1/3rd of their health. I dunno about you, but I don’t want any part of that.









Luckily, a Battlecry from Endir and a real JRPG party’s triple tech is more than enough to almost instantly send Syg careening into the shadow realm. And if not, a follow-up Coup de Grace is more than enough to end her suffering.





Once two of the sisters fall, and they will fall quickly without their healer, the remaining anime girl will begin to get her shit together a bit and start casting the second tier spells in her designated class. Sorry, gal...







...Too little. Too late.





And that’s a wrap on Kir’s harem. Nipped that in the bud before it got weird. He’ll thank us later...


Music: Loss



Kir threw me off at the last moment...
I did...?
If it wasn’t for that, we would have won for sure...
*begins to make the jerking off motion*
Endir, no...
Tch. Fiiiiine.
Why... Why did this have to happen?
Couldn’t be helped... We can’t change... how we are... This too was fate...
But... but...



Heeeeeey! She could speak! You lying sacks of sympathy fishing garbage!
Endir... It’s not the time.
Why no—
BARF!
RIP.



So you all were disappointed by the lack of follow through on child murder with Beetle Boy back in Dingus' story? Pfft... He was actually a six foot tall monstrosity. That wouldn’t count! Here is your unambiguous death of children. I swear, I don’t do this on purpose with games I choose to LP. It just keeps happening...



Just so you know... I... I really was... happy... that you asked us... to join you... I’m sorry... I said... I hated you...
But don’t get... the wrong idea... it’s not... like I liked you... or anything...
If only... if only we’d... met each other... sooner...
BARF!
RIP.



*runs over* Oh no... Oh man... Aw geez...
...We should probably avoid Chief Jak on the way out, huh?
His name was Hydor. But yeah... Probably.



I... don’t care... what the others said... All y’all humans can... still... suck mah dick! BARF!
Huh. Rude. ...What brought that on? Also, RIP, I guess...
......
RIP really loses its impact when you have to say it more than once in a row, huh?
Really, man?



Here stands Kir. He never scored.



...At least with the ladies. This being a side quest, there are rewards to gain. Two in fact!



Hey... Is that whatsherface’s sword? I call dibs!
Really, Endir?
What? I’m the group’s swordsman. And it’s not the length of a flagpole like Nidr’s stuff. Give that here...



Endir gains the Darkmoon blade aka just literally a barely altered knock-off the Soul Edge from Soulcalibur. Sure, why not? I’m sure Endir will make some good use of it.





Most importantly, the focus of this side quest is Kir’s ultimate Tech: Doom. Unlike my game of the year of 2016, Kir’s Doom is uhh... well... Its properties are buffed by having one more of our party members KO’d. Which isn’t a great position to be in when all you have left is glass cannon Kir...



Most pressingly umm... You notice Doom is targeting everyone here. Yeah... about that... Turns out the ultimate pyromancy is a WEE BIT hard to control by young pyromancer Kir. As such...







It wrecks the entire party’s day, as well as the enemies. Indeed, the only way to use Doom and not wipe the entire party in the process is to use it with Momentum, as that casts Auto-Revive on everyone.



Still leaving everyone but Kir not in tip top shape. I like how the rest of the party is just glaring Kir down after that bullshit. Doom might be used in a few Dual/Triple techs. I couldn’t tell ya. I used it once and wiped my entire party. And that’s the last time I’ll ever use Kir in battle because of it.

Let’s complete this awful sidequest...



Or maybe the spritnite IS them, Kir... Maybe they became that spritnite so they could always be with you...
Setsuna...
......
...That is idiotic.
*frown*
Throw it away!
*shakes head* What? I can’t do that! You know I can’t, too! You really do have a mean streak, don’t you, Endir...
...Look, I know you’re all sentimental about what just went down with those cute girls you just met and promptly helped kill. I get that... I ALSO know a thing or two about covering my tracks after a murder. Whether you like it or not, we just committed a triple-homicide. We should NOT be carrying any evidence from the scene of the crime...
...What about that sword you just took?
Nah. That’s fine. It falls under the Cursed Weapon Clause of 1908. Cursed weapons will invariably lead to their owner’s demise and make their way into another wielder's hands. That's just how that works. Complete plausible deniability there. I know a weapons merchant back in El Nido. Guy owes me a favor. He’ll swear up and down he sold it to me.
......
Endir... the more I hear about your past, the less I wanna know.
Thanks, though. If it wasn’t for you, I don’t know what I would have done...
Kir...



Well, you ain’t. You’re you, kid. And you met us. That’s what fate is... and no one can change it. All you can do is choose your path, and walk along it...
Yeah, I know that, old man... But when you say it, I feel like arguing back.
Like you just contradicted yourself by describing fate and self-determination in the same thought...
Are you sure you’re all right, Kir? If you want, we can rest for a while...
*nods* Don’t worry about me. I’ve got four people supporting me now... My brother, and those three girls!
Creepy.
*shrugs* I am truly disappointed to hear that you do not count us among those supporting you...
*nods* Oh, sorry, sorry! Of course, my mistake... You’re all supporting me! Let me correct myself... I’ve got ten people supporting me! Come on! Bring it on!
Right, Dingus? You’ve got my back, right?
......
*wavering hand gesture*
I’ll take it!
All right, don’t get carried away, kid...
Hehe...
For real, guys... We need to cheese it out of this crime scene...



And that concludes Kir’s side story. We murdered three magical girls so Kir can gain a meteor spell that potentially wipes his entire party. Good use of our time! Unlike Dingus and Endir's sidequests, which felt like events that ought to have been included in the main narrative. This definitely felt like someone's pet sidestory they wouldn't let go. So now it's been boiled down to the bare essential plot points and has the pacing of a bad anime filler episode.

Tune in next time when the side quest train reaches its mid-point with Aeterna. I’m sure the Dark Samsara will wait a little while longer...






Video: Doom Tech Demo